Lil Nas X is known for standing up to online trolls, but he admits he’s not as fearless as he looks.
The “Old Town Road” artist opened up about his controversial BET Awards performance in an interview with Out Magazine published Tuesday. During the June show, Lil Nas X performed his song “Montero (Call Me By Your Name)” on stage and sealed it with a kiss with one of her male dancers – a move that received a shared response. .
Although he defended his decision to include The kiss, Lil Nas X admitted to initially questioning it and how it would be received publicly.
“Go to that place with all those overly masculine rappers and you’re gonna end up being there throwing a little (curse) every once in a while, touching guys, hugging and kissing them… to there were times when I was like, “Do I even have to do this? I don’t feel like they’re going to love me like that, ”he said.
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He likened the “terrifying” performance at the BET Awards to “jumping into a lake full of sharks and piranhas”.
“The pressure to live your whole life knowing who a rapper is supposed to be, what rappers (are) supposed to do, and to come out in front of all these people is terrifying,” he said. he said, adding that he also experienced similar feelings when he publicly revealed himself as homosexual in 2019.
The unique pressures of being both black and queer gave her a chance to “bring down those walls” at the BET Awards.
“(People always say) go where you’re accepted and stuff like that, but you can’t always go where you’re accepted,” he said. “You have to go and tear down those walls and say, ‘This is also my space now. “”
Exposure to constant criticism made Lil Nas X suppress feelings of doubt and embrace her sexuality with her performance, he explained.
“I was in rehearsals like, ‘Oh, my God. I have to do my best (expletive) with this performance because of (expletive) like that, ”he recalls.
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In June, Lil Nas X took on twitter to defend her “sexual” performance at the BET Awards, addressing critics who called her “inappropriate.”
“you all hate each other so much. you all live your lives doing your best to appease straight people. you are all uncomfortable with what i do because you are all afraid they will be wrong. feel comfortable with you, ”he tweeted at The Times. “work on yourselves, I love who I am and whatever I decide to do. make it happen.”
He revealed in another tweet that his polarizing performance was distressing for him and that it took him “a long time to mentally prepare” because he knew he was “playing something like that in front of my straight peers.”
But he said, “If you don’t push yourself outside of your comfort zone, you’ll never grow taller.”
Singer Adam Lambert, who also had a gay kiss at the 2009 American Music Awards, praised Lil Nas X’s performance, calling it “hot” during an interview with Billboard.
“He really gives it to us. I think he’s definitely like the gay pop star of 2021 – he’s bold, he’s controversial, he’s pushing the boundaries,” Lambert said at the time.
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Contribution: Elise Brisco, Cydney Henderson